30 years old... The first thing Benson asked this morning was to see how much I’ve grown. I chuckled when he let me know that I certainly had gotten bigger, my belly even seemed more noticeable to Lovie. The only thing that seems to be growing right now is the baby in my belly (Watch the video for the gender reveal, ***party thrown before social distancing) I can’t help but reflect and want to document a little bit about this strange time. -
When businesses started shutting down, and the orders of social distancing were put in place, I watched in horror as my schedule fell apart. I had read a quote about how tragedy or stress can only cause what was already in your cup to spill over.... So instead of gratitude and joy, out spilled the anxiety, anger, and sadness...etc that I had suppressed and masked for so long because of my schedule. I’ve always been this way. If there’s an openness, or emptiness and I’m the one left to fill the time, the emptiness overwhelms me. I thrive with structure, I struggle to set it. So here I was left to face the openness with all of my tools, activities, and things to set a schedule around taken. I was left empty handed with nothing to hide behind, staring directly at this part of me I had always known was there, but never fully confronted. -
In the past few weeks, I have grown. I’m nowhere near where I need to be, or where I want to be, but I’ve grown. I’ve felt myself adapt and get a little better, a little stronger, and a little more “ok” each week, and for that experience I will be forever grateful. -
When everything fell apart it was my literal nightmare when it comes to my mental health. (I know this sounds trivial, and I know so many have experienced true tragedy and loss through this, please know I do not take that lightly nor am I trying to take away from that, this has simply been what I’ve experienced and I know that degree is menial compared to the true loss others have felt. My hope and prayer is that you too have felt strengthened; comforted, or edified through this.) -
So here I am, 30 years old today. Though this day looks nothing like I thought it would have, (continued in comments) ...
